After Her Affair How Do I Get the Images out of my Head
My wife cheated on me…
how do I get the image of her cheating out of my head? This is a problem many husbands that have been cheated on struggle with every day. Your wife may be sincerely sorry, and there is no doubt that the affair will not happen again. However, getting the image out of your head can be extremely difficult. As one cheated-on husband says, “Now that my wife cheated on me, the image of her with another man haunts me constantly!” Even if your wife is working as hard as possible to restore the trust in your marriage, the awful image of her cheating is not something that is easily forgotten. In this article we attempt to take a look at some concepts that may help gradually become less haunted by the image of your wife cheating.
You may never literally forget your wife’s affair.
This is the truth, an affair is such an destructive, enormous circumstance that there is a very low chance of you ever forgetting that it happened. You cannot change what has already happened, and that memory is there to stay. Just remember, this isn’t about pretending that the affair did not happen, or that your reactions at the time are gone as well. That is not a healthy, constructive way of moving forward. Lying to yourselves is a terrible way of trying to restore trust. However, you are not trying to forget the affair. What you need to focus on is being able to love your spouse once more without having these feelings of anger and resentment intrude on your relationship. These feelings need to be processes and dealt with. Just remember, trying to forget is not realistic. What you should be aiming for is to try to leave the affair behind.
Treat the affair as a learning experience.
It is not about placing blame on a single party. Learning from the affair is an enormous part of learning to get over what happened. Affairs usually have complex underlying reasons. Elements in the dynamics in the relationship that can often be changed to make sure an affair does not happen again. You may say, “My wife cheated on me! It’s her fault!” While this may help you vent your anger, getting an affair is an opportunity to examine the habits and dynamics in your relationship that led to infidelity in the first place. Focus on what you have been doing that may have contributed to the affair, and examine the choices you have to change your habits and behaviors in a positive way. This is often more about finding out whether your needs are not being met, and making your partner aware of that.
Live in the present.
Expecting to forget an affair immediately is unrealistic. You will need a lot of time and space to recover from the grief and anger associated with infidelity. However, it is best to focus on your present feelings rather than on your expectations of the future or on what happened in the past. By focusing on your emotions, you will have less of a problem living in the present, an essential part of moving forward and putting the affair behind you.